growing up under the impression that every step, every decision

in life was centered around the very soul that fed me.

the sicknesses, the surgeries, hours spent agonizing

over what could possibly be next

as each second pushed ahead; small fibers intertwining

and weaving among likenesses building support

that the two of us would need as we lost

an integral part of the family equation to a toxicity

that destroyed the body from the inside out leaving me

with a vague memory of what was real or maybe just a photograph

but what does it matter because you don't fucking want to tell me about it

you'd rather wallow around in your self pity

letting the fibers course around one another growing stronger

forming bonds that only the closest could know

as every important moment in life is interjected

with a phone call or siren signaling the triumphant aria of your personal tragedy

drawing the light of society off the real purpose of the day

to allow you to bask in your incandescent putrid

fibers joining together to pull me, lead me to follow

feeling as though it’s all my fault because you've done so much for me

but you fail to realize that every time my moment has come

you have rang your bell, you call out waiting . . . knowing

that, as usual, i will drop my life and let it sit

drifting in and out of reality, wondering if it will ever happen

as fibers, no . . . rope, snake back and forth

wrapping thirteen times around itself

pulling itself taught and lifting me from my misery

as the hangman of guilt finally grasps me

but i tell you now, gallows keeper,

that no rope will hold me in its grips

that have bound me over the years

because i have stepped from that life

to carry my own life forward

with or without you; it is up to you.

you can stand accountable for what you are

but you will not blame me for what happens

from this day forth

i may be from your womb but the blood of one

does not weave the souls of another

sadness harvests sadness when nourished and fed

but i damn the tears and i close the door on the light

leaving sadness alone and untended to wither and rot